You might be going through a break-up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, or you might be getting divorced from you husband or wife and although you want to separate yourself from this person, you just cannot let go of thinking about him or her, no matter how hard you try.
What is even worse, you cannot detach your feelings from this person although you are aware of their negativity.
The reason is simply because we are so involved in the story that connects us with this person, that we do not see any other possibility but to replay this story over and over again in our mind. Our mind is constantly in action.
When good thoughts occupy the mind, good chemicals are produced within our body and we do not need to worry about this state. It is when negativity starts dominating our way of thinking that things get a little bit more complicated.
Negativity in form of negative thoughts, negative actions and negative feelings influence our bodies in the sence that we lose our energy, we weaken our immune system and all sorts of bodily malfunctions may be caused.
We need to make the mind still. This means that we need to slow down the speed of our thoughts especially when they begin revolving around a negative concept.
Here is the process of detachment from someone else:
- The first and most importat thing is to become aware about what exactly is going on. We made the decision to separate from this person and this was for a good reason, and now we need to become aware that our mind is sabotaging us.
- In order to become free from the negativity, we must begin with feeling the feelings that arise. Are you feeling bitter? Sad? Angry? Jealous? Insulted? Do you feel resentment? Grievance? Give your emotions and your feelings a name. They are mind-based and therefore you can ask yourself why you feel the way that you feel. Where do these feelingst come from? You might be amazed of your discoveries within yourself.
- Being present and analyzing your thoghts allows you to gain a new perspective. Dealing with your negative feelings will potentially remove the attachment or the negativity or even divert your inscessant stream of negative thoghts into a more compassionate direction. On the other hand, observe your emotions for what they really are: a stream of energy passing through you, that have no meaning except the meaning you give them.
- Begin to respond: It’s not your feelings that are the problem: it’s your reaction to them. When you think of your ex, unpleasant feelings come up and the last thing we want to do is to react to them. When we react, we alianate ourselves from the real truth and instead of enjoying peace, serenity and feeling good, we stay entagled in the false perspective of our reality.
- The story that you are telling yourself and the story you are re-living is a duality model where good and bad, right and wrong, better and worse exist. The truth lies in the shift of perspective where you observe your mental drama as a spectator would observe a movie in a theater. Depersonalize the actiions, words, feelings and you will see how your experience of the situation will automatically change.
I hope I managed to help you somehow detach from your mental drama. As always, I invite you to post your questions, insights, comments and experiences in the comment section below and I would love to get back to you!